Payback
by Laura Laurent x
Summary: It started out as payback, but ended up entirely different. James 'pretends' to like Lily to get back at her, but then he finds out some things that change his mind. R/R My 1st story I TAKE CRITICISM!
1. That Girl

Chapter 1- That girl      

She would walk down the hall and leave a trail of heart-broken guys in her wake. One minute she would make him feel like the greatest guy in the world, and then the next she would act like she barely knew him, and was treating another guy "special". Maybe she did it on purpose, just for attention. Maybe she did it just because she could. I wouldn't know, and I wouldn't have minded either, except she did it to my friend. She was dating him, a real commitment, something she rarely ever had, and she was treating him amazingly the whole month. The only problem was she was doing the same thing to a Hufflepuff beater for about 2 weeks of that month. I wasn't about to let some tramp do that to my best friend Remus. No way. So I did something about it. First let me explain.

Lily Evans was that girl. She was the beautiful, popular, sickeningly nice, back-stabbing bitch that treated guys like dirt. She was medium height and thin with long, curly red hair and big green eyes that she used to make guys do anything she wanted. She wasn't a bimbo like most of the girls, though. She was practically a genius, the top of her year, and had a quick, biting wit. Most of the girls hated her, idolized her, and were her best friends all at once. She needed to be taught a lesson, and that's where I got my idea. 

I went to Sirius and Remus first, just to clear it and see what they thought. I told them we couldn't just prank her, she'd get over it and maybe even do the same to us. We needed to give her a taste of her own medicine. 

"...so one of us, me or you Sirius, would get Lily to like us, and then dump her, hard. She'd get paid back big time. Just as long as it's ok with you Moony..." James finished.

"Hey, I don't mind. She deserves it for what she did." Remus answered bitterly.

"Well Prongs, I vote you do it as I don't want to deal with that." Sirius said

"Damnit Sirius I was hoping you'd want to do it... I wasn't hoping on me having to be nice to her."

"Your idea Jamsie, you get the honours."

"Err-well I'd better get to work. This might be tough, does that girl even have a heart?" I said and walked out the portrait whole. Now how would I go about this? Should I pretend to like her sometimes and then act indifferent when she seems to like me? Or maybe I should...but as I was thinking I walked into someone. Their papers had scattered all over the floor so I began to pick them up. Someone grabbed the last paper the same time I did. I looked up and saw none other than the lady of the hour.

"Thanks _so_ much." She said in a fake voice and gave me and equally fake smile. Oh god, what was I in for?

"Yea...it was the least I could do for knocking you over." I said, and stood up. She seemed to be waiting for me to help her up. Yea right, I wasn't falling for her fake helpless woman crap. Looking a little mad she stood up herself.

"Oh no, you got your robes dusty helping me to pick my things up. Here, I'll help..." she said and brushed the fake dust off my chest. I grabbed her hand and she looked up into my eyes with a surprised look on. Wow, they really are pretty. 

"It's ok; just let me walk you to wherever you're going." I said sternly. 

"Well if you insist..." she said and took my hand. Oh god, I was carrying her stuff in one arm and holding her hand with the other. 

"So...where are we going?" I asked casually. You can't be too eager with girls, or they'll loose interest, no matter _how_ good looking you are.

"The Common Room, then dinner if you haven't yet eaten..."  Wow, gutsy, but she probably never gets rejected.

"Uh, sorry, I did." Hah, not really, but I can always go to the kitchens.

"Oh." She said and looked a bit peeved. I tried to start some conversation again, it was better than walking with her in silence, and I still need my plan to work.

"So...how have you been lately? I haven't talked to you since...a while." Don't mention Remus! God, James you really are dumb.

"Oh! I'm alright. They're giving a lot of homework this year cos OWLs."

"Yea, they did that to us last year, too.  It was rough." I didn't expect her to talk about schoolwork. Maybe she isn't trying to seduce me like everyone else...

"That cheers me up so much, thanks." She said sarcastically. Definitely not like with other people.

"No problem, I'm here day and night." Wait. Did that sound like I was hitting on her? Damn, is she going to think I'm some kind of mate who's always there for her?

"James! This is the portrait whole...let's go..." she said obviously. I looked and saw the portrait wide open and half the common room looking at me. No wonder, my friend got cheated on by the girl I was holding hands with. I walked in and she turned quickly to me saying "Well, bye James. Thanks for walking me." I gave her back her things and she had a big, fake smile on her face. What's with this girl? She's so bloody fake around other people. I just turned around and mounted the stairs to my dorm. 


	2. Late night kitchen meetings

Disclaimer: JK owns the characters you recognize but the others are mine. 

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ok this is the second chapter...as you know...lol. So far I have 9 chapters written, but the last couple are tentative. I'll post a new chapter about every other day, unless it's the weekends because I post in school and this is on my laptop, or I get many reviews asking for more and I have it. ALSO! Thanks for the reviews! They were nice and it was cool to get some good ones on my 1st story. J I appreciate it. 

Now.....more PAYBACK

Chapter 2- Late night kitchen meetings

Grr. Friends that eat dinner without you. I couldn't go back to the Great Hall, Lily would know I lied. The kitchens would be too busy to go during dinner, and they had to clean up afterwards. I didn't get down there till about 9:30. Damn I was hungry. I took the Marauders Map with me, just to make sure I didn't meet Filch along the way.  The house elves welcomed me and gave me my usual order. Boy, do I love those things. They do anything for you and are happy about it. 

I was done with my main course and was starting on puddings when someone else came into the kitchen. I didn't see them but you can tell by the way the house elves get all happy and everything. I didn't mind though, it was probably Remus or Sirius, or even Peter. That guy has been acting awfully twitchy lately, and he's always gone. 

Imagine how shocked I was to see a pretty red head sit down across from me with a look of contempt on her face. 

"I guess you haven't eaten enough at dinner then." She said pointedly. Aww bloody hell, she sounds angry. I don't want to deal with this now.

"How'd you know how to get into here?" I asked. Practically no one but us Marauders and the teachers knew where the kitchens were. 

"Minnie, can I have a plate of chocolate creams, please." She asked the house elf, ignoring my question. Why doesn't she just leave if she's going to ignore me and ruin my meal. I just kept eating my food. Then she reached over and ate a forkful of my Yorkshire pudding, with _my_ fork. I starred at her, and she smiled, mocking me. Then the house elf came with her creams and I took one. 

"You're welcome." She said sarcastically. 

"So polite, aren't we." I said back. 

"Good then, three summers of finishing school paid off." Hah. She had to go to finishing school! 

"Well, what did your finishing school teach you to do if someone did this?" I said and flung a forkful of food at her. I just wanted to, I don't know why. 

She looked shocked but then answered "I must have missed that part, but I think they would want me to do this." She said and walked over and smashed cake into my messy hair. I wasn't going to take that so I pulled her down onto my lap and shoved creams into her mouth. She looked shocked and just after she swallowed she wiped ice cream all over my face. 

After a few retaliations on both sides the house elves rushed over and quickly ushered us out of the kitchens. We were cracking up all down the hall until we saw Mrs. Norris, Filch's annoying cat. 

"Lily, shut your mouth or Filch'll hear us. This way." I told her and pulled her into a spare room I knew was there. We cleaned the food off ourselves the best we could, which was quite well after she thought of using the cleaning charm. While she wasn't looking I looked at the Map. No one was anywhere near out room, and I figured we'd make a break for it while we had a chance. 

"Lily lets go. It's clear." I told her. Luckily we made it to the Common Room without meeting any teachers.  Then we parted and went to our own dorms. When I was finally in my bed I began to think. Why was I so stupid? I messed up my plan with Lily. I wasn't supposed to act like that. When I was around her I didn't really remember the plan. She was so different from what I thought she would be like around guys. Not stupid or fake, but normal. 


	3. Introducing LILY

Chapter 3- Introducing...LILY

Disclaimer: I own the same things I did in the last disclaimer that no one read. 

_Dear __Leila__,_ (Lily named her diary, it seems more personal, she thinks...)

            _Stupid __James__Potter__ with his stupid messy black hair and stupid blue eyes and stupid glasses... What is it with him? Why can't I act like I normally do when I'm with him? Who cares if the way I normally act is fake...I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone know the real me. No one likes that part anyway... He makes me so angry! When I'm around him I just want to be myself, not sweet or flirty or complimentary like I am with other guys, just myself. Everybody likes that crap. I'm so pleasant and pretty and smart and FAKE. I can't believe some people are dumb enough to think that's how I really am. Why am I different with __James__?  I'm not supposed to be like that. I know I'll get hurt, just like I used to, just like when people ignored me and didn't even know I went to Hogwarts, just like when no one cared what I did.  Things were great without __James__. God Damnit, what is it with that boy? Things will be different tomorrow._

_Forever yours,_

_Lily__Marie__Evans___

A/N This chapter is kinda short but I hope it lets you know a little bit about Lily. There are her diary entries every couple chapters and it lets you know more about what she's thinking. BTW this is in James' POV but I think everyone got that already. Review on this and tell me what you think of this and how realistic this seems...please! 

**Tina**—Just wondering....what do you mean 'more action?'....action as in LJ action, or as in action as in action films kind of action? More LJ action is definitely coming up though, don't worry. 

**Orianne, Little Goober, Destiny Leigh**....I love your reviews, they make me so happy, but don't be scared to tell me something you don't like...I want to be able to change my writing and make it better so please let me know


	4. Blondes, Jealousy and Pranks

Chapter 4- Blondes, Jealousy and Pranks

Disclaimer: Plot = mine.  Most characters = JKR's Emma, May, Dan = mine. I wonder which is worth the most money.

            When I woke up the next morning, ok it was about noon, I saw Sirius styling his long black hair. Sometimes he's worse than a girl with that, I swear. I rolled out of bed and jumped into the shower. After I was done changing and Sirius done with his hair he, Remus, and I walked down to lunch. As we were walking to our usual seats I saw Lily flirting with some guy, and something hurt inside, just for an instant. Then I remembered how she was. I was just another guy to her. Wait, she was supposed to be even less to me, I was trying to hurt her. What a great job I was doing. She was sure acting like she was hurt. 

While we were eating the normal group of girls surrounded us and tried to be as err-nice as possible. Sometimes I don't see why we don't just tell them to shove off. If we weren't on the Quidditch team they would give us a second look. I looked away from all their cleavage hanging over my food and I saw Lily looking at me, slightly dejected slightly angry. I caught her eye and smirked. She rolled her eyes and looked away, but her cheeks were a bit pink. Hey, seize the moment. I turned to the girl nearest me. What was her name again? Then I heard one of her friends say "Emma" and she turned and started talking to her. 

"Hey, Emma, how are you this morning?" I asked. 

"Hullo James. I'm really good, and it's like really nice out today."

"Err-yea, it is. Do you want to go take a walk around the lake with me?" God, the things I do to get back at a girl. 

She looked at her friend and giggled a little before saying "Sure." 

I stood up and offered my hand. I saw Lily watching and glaring at Emma. As we were walking by her and her friends I heard her say "what a slut..." but Emma hadn't heard. She was telling me some story or something. I smiled at Lily and she gave me her fakest smile back. 

After walking around the lake with Emma and listening to her go on and on I finally said "We'd better head back, I have quidditch practice soon." And we set inside. Finally we were in the Common Room. I ran upstairs to put on my pads and get my broom. Sirius was already up there, ready to go. 

"What's up with you and Emma? I thought you had that plan about Lily."

"Yea...I'm trying to make Lily jealous." 

"Oh...well good luck."

"I love your encouragement sometimes."

"Yes, now hurry up so we can get our asses to practice. You are the captain."

"God, Mum." I answered and we started walking to the pitch. As we were walking I saw Lily and stopped to say hi.

"Oh, hullo. Are you tired of Emma already?" 

"Err, Sirius, go start practice, I have to talk to Lily." Why I said that I don't know. I was hardly ever late to practice, and certainly wouldn't be for a girl. He gave me a look but left anyway.

"She is a bit dull, isn't she?" she said snottily. 

"You are a bit jealous, aren't you?" I said in the same tone. 

She glared at me but said "What would I be jealous of? It's not like she can get anything I can't." Oh, so she thinks she can get me. Oh, but then, damnit I had to pretend she could. 

"What exactly are you going to get?" I asked. I love to make her angry. She looks so sexy...er-mad. She gave me a look that clearly said shut up and I smiled. 

"Do you want to come watch my quidditch practice?" I asked 

"Do you want me to come?" she asked. I think she wanted me to beg. I am not the begging type.

"I'm just offering." Why was I offering though? I hope she won't ask. Who cares? James, get a grip. 

"Whatever, I'll come." She said and linked her arm through mine and we started walking. I looked at her from the corner of my eye and saw she had a small smile of satisfaction on her face. 

"What are you smiling about? Is it because you love spending time with me? I never knew you cared." I taunted. 

She laughed, "What if it is?" 

"So it is! I knew I was irresistible." I joked. She laughed again. I looked at her again. God, she looks pretty. Then she looked at me and started laughing again. Whatever. Then at the pitch she went up to the stands and I walked onto the field. I jumped onto my broom and flew up to where everyone else was doing their drills. 

"Wow, James, your hair is err- different." Dan told me. God, a guy doesn't brush his hair one day and he has to comment. It's not like you can tell that kind of thing with my hair anyway, it's messy no matter what. 

"You look cute as a blond." May told me. 

"What? Blond?" ok, sometimes by hair looks a bit dark brown, but no way can black hair look blond. 

"How did you dye it?" Greg asked. What were they on about? That's it. I took off my wrist guard and transfigured it into a mirror. My hair was bright, golden blond. I didn't exactly look bad, but I had never really wished for blond hair. God damn you Lily. Well, she's not getting the best of me.  I flew over to her; she had a huge smile on her face. 

"I've been wanting my hair blond for ages. Thanks so much." I told her, and then I kissed her on the cheek and flew back over to the team. 

"What is it with that girl that everyone likes her?" May asked. 

"It's not what you think... Now, instead of flying today I think we're going to do some conditioning. Everyone put your brooms back." I told them and practice began. 

An hour later we all trudged off the field. God, I was sore as hell. I walked over to where Lily was waiting. She smiled when she saw me coming. 

"So, I was thinking, after you put your stuff away we'll go take a walk around the lake, maybe sneak into Hogsmeade, then after we walk all over there and shop, you'll carry all my packages and such,  we can come back here and go up to the astronomy tower, and later you could help me with aiming curses. What do you think?" she asked. By the look on her face she was kidding, though some parts didn't seem too bad...

"You're so thoughtful, aren't you?"

"It's one of my many, many fine qualities." 

"Yes, I can tell." I said. Damn, I was so sore I was limping. Maybe I went a little overboard with conditioning. 

"James?"

"Yes?"

"Do you promise you'll say yes?"

"No."

"Please."

"No thanks."

"But you don't even know what I'm going to ask."

"I know it's bad."

"No, it isn't. Please! Just say you'll say yes."

"Fine, yes." What is she on about?

"Can I levitate you back to the Common Room? You promised..." what the hell? 

"No!" 

"I'll put you down outside the door, no one will see." Is she possibly crazy?

"Why would I want to be levitated?"

"Cos you can't walk."

"I can too. What do you think I've been doing?"

"Limping."

"Just shut up, Lily." I glared at her. She was kind of right, but no one was levitating me to the Common Room unless both my legs were broken or I was unconscious and didn't know what was going on. 

"You're mean as a blond, do you know that?" Damnit, I still had blond hair. I'd have to keep it until I got to my dorm. I hope the Common Room is empty. 

"Maybe, but I'm still sexy, charismatic and irresistible as ever."

"Oh yeah, just like Prince Charming"

"Exactly." Who the hell is Prince Charming?

"And Prince Charming gets the royal treatment right?"

"Err-yes." What is she talking about? 

"So, royalty shouldn't have to walk on the ground, they should be levitated."

"Err-ye-No!" she was not going to levitate me.

"Sorry, Prince." She said and started to levitate me. 

"Put me down right now, Lily!" who does this girl think she is? I would have just done expelliarmus but I would have fallen on the floor and I was sore enough already. 

"Hold on! We're almost there." she said and then put me down 5 feet from the door.

 I glared at her, said the password and walked over to sit with the Marauders. 

"James, you do know you have blond hair?" Remus told me. Stupid Lily. 

"Yes...So, what's going on?"

"Thanks for the explanation mate." He said sarcastically.  

"We were just thinking of people to prank. We haven't done a big one since last week." Sirius told me. "Any suggestions?"

"5th year girls are my vote." I said. Have fun AND get back at Lily for levitating me. Sounds perfect....

"Lily's getting to you? That's rough Prongs." You bet it is. 

"You don't have to keep doing this you know..." 

"Yea, er ok. So can we prank them?" 

"Sure, if you really want to." Sirius said, and we started to plan it. Those girls were going to get it, good. 

Half an hour later we were done and went down to dinner. I pretended not to see Emma staring at me or waving when it seemed I was looking right at her, or Lily giving her dirty yet smug looks. I just ate my dinner and talked to the guys.  God, do girls want attention all the time? Why did I even ask...? I don't know what it is about girls but they always seem to want attention, or a present, or a kiss or something... 

**Eejk**- Wow...lol you are my first not so good review. I don't mind much, but if you still read this, it doesn't sound like you will but what made it only 'Okay'? I want to know what you really think about my story and what is bad about it so I can try to make it better.

**Angelisa****Snape**-Thanks so much! That's really nice of you! I'm glad you like it and I'll try to post more in two days. I'll read your fic as soon as I get a chance. I love L/J fics so I won't mind

**Everyone!** Please review! I love to know what you think even if it isn't something good. I want to make my writing better so tell me if something is good or if something is bad! PLEASE! 


	5. Diary

Chapter 5- Diary... (Sorry, I can think of no other names for this)

_Dear __Leila__,_

_                        I got a letter from home today. Everyone is well, even Petunia, sadly. She actually wrote to me too this time though. It was all about some __Vernon__ guy who is her "soul mate". It's great for her, but if she can find someone who really loves her and she feels the same then why can't I? I have all this pressure from Mum and Father and not one single person that cares, and she has __Vernon__.  She can tell him all her woes about her appearance and how she doesn't yet have something she wants. Sometimes I wonder if there is a reason I'm so apart from everyone. It's like everyone else is a link in the chain, but I'm broken away from it all and just pretending I'm still connected. The more I pretend the farther I am pulled away. I can't tell Chastity about everything because she doesn't understand no matter how much she tries, and I don't want to burden with all my stresses when she has enough of her own with her parents fighting all the time. I'm glad my parents don't fight like hers, but she's lucky they don't force her to do everything and then not even care when she does what they wanted. My parents' letter to me was pretty much about how I should still be working very hard and should be studying every night for OWLs. Seriously... They didn't even ask how I am or if anything is happening to me. Why would they though; it's not like they would care if they had asked. Why do I even care about them anymore? I guess it's because they are my parents and I want to make them proud, but all they want from me is to be able to gloat over my accomplishments to their high-society friends who pretend to be jealous. Being so bloody rich isn't as nice as people think... everyone is so fake and pretends to care about everyone else but all they care about is being richer and having more to talk about than the other person. I guess that's why acting fake comes so easily to me; it's all I'd ever known until I began Hogwarts. _

_Speaking of Hogwarts...You know how I said things will be different? Well things were, and are, but not exactly the way I wanted them to be. I was supposed to not care about __James__ anymore but the opposite has happened. I don't want to admit it, but I have to. I am actually starting to like him, a little more than a bit. He just has that effect on me, it's like something about him draws me to him. I really have to get over it though. I'm not sure he really likes me anyway; he took __Emma__Kinston__ out to the lake today. You don't take a girl like her out to the lake for intelligent conversation. I don't know why he's with her. She's so easy and he deserves better than that; he deserves someone who he can talk to and understand him. Someone like...well that's for him to figure out, not for me to. _

_ Besides, actually liking a guy isn't my usual thing. Mainly a guy liked me and I give him a chance. No one is ever what I'm looking for, though.  I wish I had a guy who I could say anything to and he would understand, and he would like me no matter what. Someone who I could talk to about my problems and just hug afterwards and everything would feel better would be great to have, but I know I'll probably never have someone like that, unless there really is such a thing as soul mates and I have one.  Oh well, just hopeless dreams of a lonely girl .I'll probably end up marrying some rich jerk who only thinks he loves me for my looks and my fake attitude and I'll end up like my mom and all her friends.. I don't understand what I'm actually doing with my life. I want to change the world and make it better, but I can't do that when I'm not being myself, though when I am myself no one cares or listens. I'm just waiting for something good that matters, and my life is just going on while I'm waiting for it to start. I truly wonder why I'm even on earth to begin with...there's no point. Anyway I'm going to go to something to take my mind of __James__ and all this._

_                                                                        Forever Yours,_

_Lily__Marie__Evans___

I hope this entry sounds realistic. This is how I write in my own journal but that's real life feelings so it's easier to express them...you know? Some of those are actually in my journal but yeah...anyway I hope it all sounds ok. Review on it please! 


	6. Hanging out

Chapter 6-Hanging out 

            **This chapter is dedicated to my friend Norah cause today is her birthday and my little sister, ****Roxanne****, because tomorrow is her birthday! Happy Birthday!**

            I sighed as I dropped onto my four-poster. Today was not a great barrel fun. All day, even during dinner, guys and girls were asking me what's going on between Lily and me. I, of course, had no answer to this because there wasn't any certain thing between us, I couldn't say yes because Lily would think she's won me over, and I couldn't say no because I wanted Lily to think I may like her. This is the most complicated non-relationship I've ever been in. I wonder if the same thing happened to Lily, and I wonder how she answered. She could've told everyone I'm madly in love with her for all I know. 

"Moony, do you feel like playing a game of chess?" I asked him. 

"Err yea, sure. I don't need to work on my unfinished History of Magic Essay that's due tomorrow anyway." he said but got his pieces out all the same. He had his things orderly and found them easily; I eventually found my beneath a mix of my and Sirius's clothes. 

"Thanks mate. I really don't feel like going down stairs much." I said, setting up my pieces.

"I get it. How's it going with 'Her'?" he said as we started to play. I knew who 'Her' was. 

"I don't know. She's hard to read. Sometimes I think I know exactly how she is, but then she turns around and confuses me."

"Really? She was always pretty straight forward to me."

"I don't know, I think she acts differently around me than other people."

"She was always nice to me, and I mean nice. It was kind of weird, now that I think about it. She never acted anything but cheerily nice."

"I have no clue as to why she isn't like that around me, she's pretty much normal."

"Check. Maybe you're the lucky 1000th customer."  He said and moved in a position to take my king.

"Damn. It's funny how you say 'customer'" (A/N I wonder if anyone is going to get this)

"Hah. I guess that meaning works with her too." 

"Oh. Check. I can't believe I didn't see that before." 

"Damnit."

"Checkmate." I said a few moves later, winning. 

"Good game. I've got to do my essay now, though. I'm not doing the best in that class."

"Of course you're not, you slacker." I joked. 

"Me? Have you started yours yet?"

"Not exactly. What was the topic anyway?" I asked and sat down to work. 

I finished at 12 and decided to go down to the Common Room. It would pretty much be clear and I'd have a few people to talk to since Remus decided to sleep from pre-transformation fatigue. Sirius was with Jemmina, his new girlfriend. Peter, again, was MIA.  I saw a particular red head on the couch in her pyjamas with a book, but decided on leaving her to it and sat a few chairs away with my own book. It was a new one on Quidditch tactics and I was trying to put together a bunch of new moves to stay undefeated like last year. 

I was so absorbed in it I didn't even notice when Lily came and sat next to me until she put her hand in my lap. I certainly noticed that.

"I was wondering what would get your attention. Would you mind terribly to talk to me instead of reading your book?" she asked me. Something in her voice told me she would actually be hurt if I didn't want to talk to her; she didn't seem to want to talk just so I'd pay her attention. 

"No, I wouldn't mind, I was hoping to find someone to talk to. I never thought I'd find you here reading."

"I love to read, it's one of my favourite things to do, but most of the time I do it when there aren't many people around. You don't strike me as the reading type, either." 

"I must confess I'm not. I'm the quidditch type though; I'm reading this for new strategies." I said, holding up my book. She laughed. It sounded like water trickling down a stream. 

"I should have guessed. I usually figure out people correctly." 

"Oh, really? What have you figured out about me?" I asked, very curious.

"What would be the fun in telling you?" 

"Wouldn't it be more fun to tell me and see my reaction?" 

"Hmmm...Nope, not really."  

"Fine, just leave me in suspense forever. Tell me something else then. Something not many people know about you."

"Like what?" she asked. She seemed nervous.

"I don't know; something not many people know but you wouldn't mind me knowing."

"Ok, I absolutely love chocolate frogs. I eat at least two or three packages every day." She said with a laugh. 

"You do? I've just gotten a pack I haven't opened yet, I'll get it." I said and ran upstairs to get it. I guess I just wanted to be nice, and I didn't want to eat a whole package by myself, which I knew I would end up doing if I didn't share. When I came back I tossed them to her. She tore them open. 

"These are raspberry chocolate." She said simply as she bit into one. I unwrapped one too. 

"Oh yea, sorry about that, they're my favourite kind." How can someone not like raspberry chocolate ones? They're only the best tasting food in the Wizarding world. 

"You don't understand. I love these! I buy all of them when they're stocked. I guess more came in since I've been there last." She said excitedly. 

"Of course they did, the last Hogsmeade weekend was two weeks ago." What did she expect?

"I don't wait for Hogsmeade weekends. How else would I be able to eat that many boxes every day?" 

"You sneak out to Hogsmeade?" I asked, shocked. 

"Don't say it that way, you do too, Mr. Marauder!" she said as she bit into her 4th frog. Mr. Marauder, I like that. 

"Well, yes, but I _am_ a Marauder, not Lily Evans, teacher's pet."

"I resent that, just so you know. You aren't even in any of my classes, how do you know I don't get kicked out half as much as you do?"

"You're a funny girl. You, getting kicked out of a class; that's priceless."

"I could if I wanted to." She said, just like a young child. 

"Anyone could if they wanted to, but most people just don't have the guts, including you." I said, challenging her. 

"I do so! Just watch! I'll bet you 5 boxes of raspberry chocolate frogs that I can get kicked out of at least two classes tomorrow." 

"Fine, 5 boxes." I said and she smiled at me. I knew she could do it, but I wanted her to stop trying to be the perfect little student. I could tell she didn't like being that; she just wanted to please someone. 

"So, it's your turn. Tell me something about you that not many people know." she said. What's something about me I could actually tell her? Definitely not any Marauder business, but what else is there? I looked at her, trying to think of something. 

"Voldemort is after my family." I said. I don't even know why, it wasn't the sort of thing she was asking about. She was probably thinking how weird it was that I'd told her that. Then I felt her hand grasp mine and I looked at her. Her eyes looked solemn but she looked like she understood. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that..." I started but she interrupted me.

"James, it's ok. You can talk to me about this if you want to." I don't know what it was; if it was her, or her voice, or I was just too tired to realize, but I told her all about it. How I was worried about my family, especially my little sister, and that I didn't even know what he wanted from us. We spent about an hour, just me talking and her listening, until I realized how tired we both were. Our conversation was getting to be fuller of yawns than words.

"C'mon, Lily, time for bed." I said, standing up and pulling her up after me. 

"Okay." She yawned, but then sat on the chair and leaned back. "I don't think I can make it upstairs." She said.

I gave a sleepy laugh. "You can't sleep down here, I wouldn't trust everyone." 

"No, I'll be fine. You go to bed." She said and lay down again. 

"Lily, I'm serious. Somebody would do something to you while you were sleeping."

I waited for an answer but she was already asleep. I couldn't just leave her there.  I swear I only did this from being over tired. I scoped her up into my arms and carried her into her room. 

 "Thank you" she mumbled as I pulled the blanket over her. I don't know what possessed me to do it, maybe it was how innocent she looked, but I kissed her on the forehead before walking out the door. 

**Citrus scented-** OMG THANK YOU! These are the reasons I loved reading your review(s).

You give me criticism which has made my writing better. Example: I kinda didn't have the part about her parents' letter or Emma until I read your review and you were like "I can't wait for her diary entry." I was like oops that part isn't even in her next diary entry so I re-did it and it was a lot better. You said my writing was like Vanilla Blood's! WOW! I absolutely loved, loved, loved that story; I had read it already but that is way totally cool when you said it was like that. That was like my favourite story I've read on this site EVER! When I saw that was the story I was like flipping out (in a good way) and my mom kinda yelled at me. She is so mean. Grrr, Mommy! You are nice!! (self explanatory) 

**DV**- Thanks! I will keep writing and I hope you keep reading and liking it. 

**Meg**** harts**- You'll find out soon enough what's the matter with her. I hope the diary entry gave you some more insight too. 

**Lovely White**- I like him too! I always like fictional characters....which gets me nowhere but I'm glad my James seems real enough and kinda 3 dimensional.  

**Piper Petermier**- here's some new chapters for you! Enjoy! 

**Angelisa**- Thanks for the idea...but I thought out something pretty different but I hope everyone will like it. Also...question for you! Do you read Kirbee's story on the HP site? I clicked a link in someone's sig and it had your story and...Well my point is do you ever go on that site? I may possibly have talked to you there then! Totally cool if I did!

**L/j Obsessed**- lol Thanks for the cheer! I'm glad you like it. I like your cheer! It cheered me up!

3 always

Tori ß btw this is my real name! 


	7. Raspberry Chocolate Frogs

A/N Ok...I'm kinda stuck again, but it's the same part but as I get closer to that part I keep switching my ideas! I'm going crazy! Lol so Yea...sorry this chapter is short but the next one is pretty long and explosive. All my thank you stuff is at the bottom!

Chapter 7- Raspberry Chocolate Frogs

  
The next day the school was buzzing with the news that Lily Evans, perfect student, had gotten kicked out of two classes, before lunch. I smiled to myself. Mission accomplished, though I wasn't too keen on loosing 5 boxes of raspberry chocolate frogs. She deserved them, though. She broke her perfect record and student reputation just to prove me wrong. I had to admire that. 

The next morning five owls flew over to her, each carrying a box. The last one had my note. 

_Miss__Lily__Evans__:_

_            Congratulations. I guess you were right. Two classes by lunch is no mean feat, either. Did you know you're the first girl to be kicked out of a class? Have fun with your raspberry chocolate frogs._

_--__James___

When I came back from Quidditch practice that afternoon I saw a box on my bed. When I opened it a note fluttered to the floor. 

_James___

_            Thank you, thank you, but please hold the applause. Really I'm the first girl? Then I must be in the Misbehaving Hall of Fame, along with you and the rest of the Marauders for all the things you've pulled. I would've not done it if you hadn't said I wouldn't, though. You're contributing to the delinquency of young girls, you know. Even so, you deserve this box of raspberry chocolate frogs. Have fun._

_            --__Miss __Lily__Evans___

I laughed out loud to myself. That is one different girl, and something was making me want to get to know her better. Then I realized what was happening. I was supposed to be making Lily like me a lot so I could hurt her. Instead I was starting to fall for her. This was going beyond what I wanted. Why couldn't I just have stuck to the plan instead of possibly reversing it? It might still be able to work though, if she likes me and I can get myself to stop falling for her. Then I'll be able to hurt her like I planned.  I'd just have to stay away from her for a little bit. I had to stop the feelings that started for her.

Children, the Emu is not a toy- ha-ha I love your pen name. Thanks for the review! I don't know; I love criticism because it really helps. Some people are offended but people are really trying to help. You can criticise me all you want. ^ _^

Citrus scented- Thank you for the thank you for the thank you, and you're welcome. Lol. I'm glad you like my analogies. The chain one is one of my favourites I've said. There is a tunnel one I like a lot better that I wrote in my xanga journal. It just came to me and I loved it so I tried to make this one like that. If you want to read it click my journal link in my thing...but I have to tell you now I'm a pretty weird chick. The tunnel thing is maybe the 3rd from the top or a little after. Or maybe a lot after, I can't really remember if I've made a lot of posts since then.  Also, DON'T WORRY! You're not going to disappoint me! You know how if you really like someone then everything they do is perfect. Well I really like your reviews so now it's like every review is great. If this doesn't make sense then disregard it totally.... I'm sometimes very confusing, but I make sense to myself. And yea, that customer part was kinda mean but...she cheated on Remus, it's ok. 

Nalia- thanks! I hope you like this chapter and really the next one! It's kind of a rising point/ climax area of the story.

Angelisa- my s/n is pinnacle of pineapple. Kinda weird, but I was inspired by something in English class. I LOVE THAT STORY!!!! I read it on the hp site mainly. The expage site crashed again also, if you didn't know already. IT kinda sucks but we can read it off kirbee.tk or redholly.tk

Shree- THANK YOU! You're really nice. Also, when I saw you reviewed my story I was flipping out. Your story, false perfection, was the first story I'd ever read on this site and it was amazing! I'm very glad you love it completely. 


	8. What the hell?

Whoa! This is a big and important chapter! I hope you like it!! It took me a bit when I wrote it, but it's a breakthrough one so make sure you say stuff about it in the reviews I hope I get! Thanks, citrus scented, for your review on the last chapter! It was my only one! L ! Well anyone I'm hoping and expecting more for this part, so review when it's done! Also!!! I am totally, totally happy I finished writing this story! I love how it ends and I hope you do too! It's 14 chapters right now but tell me if you want it to end with a diary entry from Lily or not. I might not listen even if you want it (SORRY) but I have to think of what I'll say so it's not redundant and still interesting. 

Chapter 8- What the hell...?

The a few nights later I was casually walking down the hallway looking for something to do. It was only 8:30; Sirius was on a date, (why the hell wasn't I?) Peter was at home for his Mom's birthday, and Remus was sleeping because his transformation was in a few days. There weren't a whole lot of people I wanted to talk to in the Common Room, and Emma was following me around like a lost dog. I decided to sit by the lake and look at the stars. Yea, sure, its kind-of a pansy thing to do, but Hogwarts is just about the greatest place to see the sky from. It just lets you think about nothing and feel deeply profound. Or something like that...

Then I saw Lily, sitting with her feet dangling into the water and looking very pensive. At first I wanted to sneak up behind her and push her in, but something told me not to. It wouldn't have been funny, just mean.  I walked over and sat down next to her.  She didn't even look at me before she quickly picked up a book and put it on her side, the one away from me. Hey, I understand privacy, but some people don't trust anyone. 

"I like coming out here, it's so peaceful, and I don't have to think about anything." She said quietly. Wasn't that what I was thinking just before? 

"Yea, and it has the best view of the sky, I love looking at the stars." I answered her. Then she turned to me and had a look of pure happiness on her face, but when she turned to the side a tear was coursing down her cheek. 

"Lily..."  I whispered as I reached over and wiped away her tear. She turned toward me again and a few more tears escaped. Then she gave me a sad smile and everything looked so tragic and hopeless. Her tears were flowing freely but she didn't look like other people do when they cry, with red eyes and blotchy faces, she looked like an angel, crying for the sake of the world. Then she stood up. 

"Please, James, don't." she said, but it was too late, I had stood up and enveloped her in a tight hug. I couldn't help myself, I just had to.  She rested her head on my shoulder and hugged me back, but she was still crying. After a while she looked up into my eyes and leaned in. I leaned in too, and we kissed. It was a long, sweet kiss, but then she pulled away. 

"I-I-I'm so sorry." She said, and then ran towards the castle, her red hair flowing perfectly behind her. 

What the hell was all this about? I really couldn't figure this girl out. What did she want from me, and why was she making me want her? God damn it all. I stood there for a while, and then I lay down on the grass and stared up at the stars, trying to figure out just when this became more than payback.  

An hour later I decided to go back in, my watch said it was 11. It was a muggle watch; I got it because I didn't want one that usually read 'in trouble' or 'misbehaving'. I knew what was bloody happening to me, I need a watch to tell me. 

As I silently passed the kitchens hallway I heard a deep, male voice and giggling. I figured it must be Sirius, who else took girls to the kitchens? What could be the harm in some innocent spying? If he caught me I could say I was hungry and going to get a snack. As I moved closer I heard giggling and then small sounds of kissing. I held in my laughter as I rounded the corner. If I interrupted his date he would kill me. He was with Jemmina again and she's one of the err-easiest girls in the school. When the couple came into view I knew it wasn't Sirius immediately, he had blond hair. I think it was Sean Wood. I was about to leave when I saw the girl he was kissing. Her red hair was too familiar. I turned around quickly, I didn't want them to see me, but I crashed right into a suit of armour. The clang it made was definitely loud enough to break them apart, and they looked right at me. Sean looked sheepish, but Lily looked shocked, then upset, then angry. 

"Sorry about interrupting your little rendezvous, I _was_ going to the kitchens, but I'm not all that hungry anymore." I said harshly, giving Lily the nastiest look I could ever have given. 

"How nice for you, but can you leave? We're in the middle of something, if you don't mind." She snapped back. God, what a bitch. I don't know why I ever liked her. Wait, I mean-er pretended to like her...

"No, I don't mind, I was just leaving."

"Bye now." She said snottily and turned back to Sean, kissing him deeply and making sure I saw.  

This girl. I don't know what it is with her. Why was she so completely puzzling. I never knew what was going on with her, and when I did it turned out to be completely wrong. Why did I ever think I could hurt her? She was probably using me just like all the other boys. I know that's what I meant to do to her, but I had a reason. Didn't I? Wait a minute. Did I really? How can there be a real reason to hurt someone. There's no excuse. God, I had sunk lower than her level and she beat me. And I still wanted payback. There is something wrong with my brain.  


	9. Diary

Chapter 9- _Dear Diary_

_Dear __Leila__, _

_            Seriously there is something wrong with me. If there were an award for the most idiotic person in the world I would be the winner of it. I feel like a bitch too, but that's maybe because I was the biggest one, to __James__. I don't think I've ever been meaner to someone in my whole life, including Petunia. _

_Out by the lake he said he loved coming there because it was so peaceful and had the best view of the sky, and I couldn't take it. I was just thinking the same thing, and the way he said it, he really felt it, and had the guts to admit it. He is just so...perfect and I don't know why, but I got tears in my eyes. Maybe it was because I feel that no matter what I won't deserve him, or probably get him to like me; he isn't the same as other guys.  I didn't think he saw but he did, and brushed them away (see, perfect!). Then I started to really cry and he put his arms around me and just held me until I was ok. Then I kissed him. It was the greatest kiss I've ever shared, I can't even describe it. Except my stupidity never fails me, I realized I shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be falling for him, and I ran away. That can probably be explained away eventually, but the other thing I did can't. After I ran away I found __Sean__Wood__ and I kissed him, a lot more than I had __James__. And the WORST part is...__James__ saw us! He was going to the kitchen or something and he saw us and then walked into a suit of armour. That was funny, but at the moment I didn't laugh. I actually felt like crap, and then I made it even worse. I insulted __James__ and acted like the biggest bitch who didn't want to be torn away from making out for 2 seconds. I must have seemed like such a whore! He probably hates me to death right now. I deserve it, but I screwed up any possible chance of ever being with __James__. I know that's what I said I wanted, but it's not really what I wanted. I was just scared of him making me actually be myself, which is just what I need. Well, whatever, I'm too upset and angry to write for now, but I have to get this onto paper before I go even crazier with it bouncing around in my head. I like __James__, I actually truly like __James__, and it's more than just a little bit. I just needed to do something to make me not like him so much so I found __Sean__. This plan was actually fully stupid because I still really like __James__, but he hates me. I can deal with situations really well, can't I? I'm going to go talk to Chastity about this now because I need someone smart who gives good advice and who better than a best friend?_

_                                                Forever Yours, _

_Lily__Marie__Evans___


	10. Pranking is good for mental help

SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY! I so had no chance to post on Friday and Monday and Tuesday I was way sick! Well I still am really sick and my head is killing me but I wanted to come in to post so I'm not a slacker author and so I get this done before my school year ends. NOTE! Two chapters today and two on Friday! I hope you like them!

You Reviews! I love them! Citrus scented, I really need your help on the last chapter and your input so I can I try to email it to you? I'll need you email address but if you don't want me to know it that's fine, and if you don't want it on this site then send me an email and I'll mail the chapter back to you. 

Also! I don't like this chapter much; I kinda think it's a little not as good as usual so review on it and tell me how you feel about it! Also! The chapters may be posted closer together because I want to get this all up before finals because I won't be able to post then and then no school and I cant post it then either. Message: Check for this closer together cause I'll post more! 

I hope this chapter is good! 

Now: to Business! 

Chapter 10- Pranking is good for mental health

Finally we were going to go through with our plan. I couldn't wait to annoy or humiliate Lily; hopefully it was a mix of both. Every time I replayed her and Sean inside my head I wanted to curse everything I saw. I don't know why this is getting me so angry. I mean, it's just _Lily_. Well, yea, I did like her a bit, but that's all behind me, I hope. It's not like she was my girlfriend or anything either. I need to stop thinking about all this. I swear I'm going crazier by the minute.

  First we went in and of course put them into a deep sleep. I was stiffly holding my things as I crept over to Lily's bed. She looks pretty while she sleeps, and she isn't being a bitch either. Too bad she's not the same when she's awake. 

I took the mixture we concocted and poured it in her hair. It was made of honey, glue, some cologne a girl once gave Sirius, assorted lotions we had to "borrow" from some girls first and any other type of liquid product we could find. It smelled so strong when I dumped it out, and I wondered if it was having any kind of chemical reaction. Oh well, it's not as if her head will explode...I think. 

Then, in the second part of our plan, what is the first thing a girl is going to do when she wakes up and finds her hair covered in that mess? After screaming, she will, of course, wash her hair. I went to all of their shampoo bottles and mixed in a potion that would make their hair invisible for 12 hours after washing. Then I cast a charm over it so they would think their hair looked the same as usual, still visible to eachother and to themselves. When I walked out of the bathroom I saw Peter pouring the rest of the mixture on the last girl's hair, and Remus and Sirius charming their robes. Some would say "I 3 Sirius"; wonder who wrote that, or have suggestive messages. Some just turned different colours or patterns whenever the wearer said a word beginning with a vowel. Remus, who was the best at charms out of us all would make some which looked normal but changed to be made out of different material, like chain mail (A/N like in LOTRs) or flowers, once the person had been wearing it for an hour; at just about the beginning of first class, if they put it on at their usual time. All the girls would also see them as normal robes, but like the way they would see their hair. Just before we left we remembered to charm the mirrors so they couldn't see anything wrong in them. 

I know some of those things don't sound embarrassing, but if you think you look normal but everyone else sees what you are really wearing and bald you get pretty embarrassed. Especially if you didn't mean to look like that. 

                                    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next morning we woke up and went to the great hall early, so as not to miss any of the fun. We saw all the 5th years in Lily's dorm troop in, talking about make-up as usual. It was pretty funny to see a whole bunch of snobby bald and oddly dressed girls walk in as if nothing were different. My satisfaction for doing it wasn't granted yet, I didn't see Lily humiliated. It would be even more embarrassing for her when she walked in alone while looking like that. I almost felt bad; almost. A couple minutes later she walked in with Chastity, wearing normal robes and a funky scarf on her head. Chastity looked the same. The scarves were some muggle trend at the time and didn't really look bad. How the hell did they figure it out though?? My thoughts were interrupted by the morning mail delivery. Some owl I didn't recognize landed in my mash and gave me a note. 

_James__,_

_Great prank...I would be preparing to bow down to the master, yet you forgot one little detail. I have a nice, hand sized mirror which you didn't know to charm. I kind of realized when I couldn't see my hair this morning, and was wondering how all my robes got to say compliments about Sirius. Now tell me how to reverse the invisibility spell on my hair, or you'll be pretty sorry you didn't.  _

_Lily__Evans___

_P.S. I hope you like your "present"_

I looked at her, a bit questioningly with smug look on my face. What present was she talking about? The owl hadn't brought anything else but the note. Great job picking out a lame owl, Lily. Too bad for her the invisibility potion wouldn't wear off for a few hours. She would have to suffer and there was nothing else she could do about it. I shrugged at her and turned back to my food. 

"Whoa! James, what happened to your face?" Sirius asked me bluntly.

"Errr...what are you talking about?" I asked. What is on my face?

"Maybe you should go to Madame Pomfrey; I'm sure she'll have something for your acne." Remus told me. I do not have acne. Since when have I had acne? I transfigured my spoon into a mirror and looked.  There were big, red pimples on my face and they looked like they formed shapes. Lots of straight lines...

"What does it say?" I asked roughly. 

"L...I think that's an l anyway. Then I...wait it says Lily!" they finally figured out. I growled as I did the counter curse and watched them disappear. Oh that girl makes me so angry. I turned and glared at Lily. Childish, I know, but it didn't matter then. I saw Chastity get up and start walking towards the doors. 

"See you later, mates." I said and followed her. It was time to put the second part of my plan into action. I kind of had a probably not brilliant-but oh well- idea that it might hurt Lily if I dated her best friend; her very best friend. I reached the door just as she did and held it open for her. 

"I hope you're not mad over the prank; it was nothing personal." I said suavely to her and gave her my best smile. 

"I don't think I'm the one you have to worry about being angry with you. Lily..." she started to say but I cut her off. 

"I don't really care what Lily thinks of me right now, but I do care what you think, so if you're not angry I'm happy." I said and smiled. 

"How can I be angry with someone who can smile like that?" she asked sweetly with a bit of sarcasm. "And who carries my things for me." She said and placed her things into my arms. Hah. She's pretty cool. No wonder Lily is her friend. I mean, Lily is lucky to have her for a friend. 

"So...what class do you have now?" I asked her. 

"Transfiguration. James, why are you talking to me?" she asked bluntly. She's a lot like Sirius. At least she got to the point. 

"That's my favourite subject. Do you like it?" I said, trying to distract her, or at least let her know I didn't want to talk about that. 

"Yes, I do, but you didn't answer my question. I'm not your usual type of girl, James, why are you talking to me?" she said. Good job I did of deferring her. You couldn't call her unfocused. 

"I have a usual type? What is it, please enlighten me. And why aren't you it?" 

"Yes, you have a usual type. Yours is the girly type, not the 'me' type. I'm blunt and cynical and not obsessed with my looks. That's not what your usual girls are like."

"What are they usually like, then?" I partly wanted to distract her and I also wanted to know. Since when did I have a 'type'? 

"Cheerful, superficial and dumb." She said bluntly. Well...Emma, Breanne, Liz...she kind of did have a point. But it's not as if I liked those girls. They were just...there.

"Lily isn't my type." I said just to see if she would admit that's how her friend acted.

"Lily isn't really like that and you know it. She told me how...never mind... I erm gotta go." She said in a rush and tried to walk away, but I grabbed her wrist. 

"What did she tell you?" I asked. When she looked at me her face softened and she sighed. 


	11. Revelations

Chapter 11- Revelations

"I shouldn't be telling you this, and not in the Great Hall. Is there anywhere private we can go?" she asked. 

"Err...yeah, hold on." I said and lead her into one of our secret rooms. She sat down in one of the chair and sighed before she started telling me.

"Lily, she's different, you know. She used to be a 'nobody' she says. Do you remember her in first and second year? Probably not. All she would do was study. I was her friend, but her only one. In third year she came back and she wanted to be _somebody_. She wanted to be known, be popular, and have friends. She tried to please everyone. She just wanted recognition for doing good things; her parents never gave her any. They took everything she did for granted, and Lily is a great girl who has so many talents. Her parents never noticed; she was never really good enough for them. She wanted to be noticed by someone. So she changed. She became really outgoing and was so nice and pleasant. Everyone liked her. Then she couldn't really handle relationships. She is too scared to become really close to anyone, and she doesn't want them to like her too much. When she starts to feel things past wanting to please someone she'll doing something to push them away. They might not know about it but in her mind there is a rift, they're broken. I'm the only person she thinks she can really trust besides herself. She's scared people will be like her parents. She'll give so much and they won't care. So she's like this. I know she's a terrible flirt who cheats on guys and hurts them, but she hates it. She thinks she's a horrible person for acting like that. All she really wants is someone who really loves her. But no one does and everyone else seems to like her how she is, so she stays that way."

"Wow." I said, stunned. I never would have thought Lily was like that. "She doesn't think anyone loves her?"

"Well I do, but nobody else; I'm her best friend, but she doesn't let me in anymore. We used to tell eachother everything. She keeps herself locked up too tight now. She's right pretty much. Her family doesn't love her. She doesn't have anyone she can go to that makes her feel safe and happy."

"No. Her family loves her. Tons of lads love her. People care about her..." I said, trying to convince myself more than her. I didn't really want to make Lily feel bad anymore. 

"People don't even know her!" she said sharply. "Trying to pretend people like her won't help. Not when they like the fake her that she hates. No body knows her. Only you and I..."

"Me? How do I know her?" I asked. I didn't know her at all. She never acted like that around me. She was strong, never sad or lonely.  

"She told me. You know her better than almost everyone in this school. You know how nice and sweet she is when she's around other people? She was never like that around you.  She wasn't totally herself around you, but she didn't feel like she had to please you all the time. That made her go mad sometimes. She would sit their and try to figure out why you were so different from everyone else to her." Chastity explained. 

"No. I don't believe you. Is Lily behind this or something? You guys are trying to get me back for that prank. Lily's not like that. No way. She's strong and happy and likes for other people to be upset. Why are you lying about this?"

"Why is it so hard for you to accept?" Chastity asked simply. 

Why was it so hard for me to accept? I asked myself. It had to be a joke. Lily wasn't a sad little girl who only liked to please other people but didn't want to be close to them. What did I know though? Sometimes there did seem like what Chastity was talking about but... it couldn't be true. It just couldn't.

"It's too surreal. Are you sure this is the same Lily we're talking about?"

"Look, if you don't want to believe me then don't; I was just trying to explain to you. I thought you were different like Lily said but you don't really care, just like everyone else. I thought maybe...never mind, it isn't worth it now anyway. Bye, James." She said and started to leave. 

"Wait. You thought maybe what?" I asked. 

"I thought you might help me to get her back to normal; try to get her to be herself and stop trying to impress everyone else. She seemed so normal that day she got kicked out of those classes because of your bet. You make her more herself. It doesn't matter though, you obviously don't ca-"

"I care about Lily!" I yelled. She turned and stared at me. I didn't really mean to say that out loud... 

"James, that wasn't what I was going to say." She said with a smirk. What is going on with me? 

"Err, me neither." Great line, just great. That one will fool her, it will. 

"Liar, tell me the truth." The truth? What is the truth but our perception of reality? What did I perceive though? That I care about Lily, or I at least had. 

"Err yea, I guess I do."

"Truly you do? Will you help me then?" she asked. Her eyes seemed to beg me. She must really care about her friend. 

"Did she tell you what happened two nights ago? I don't know if I can be all too nice to her now." I said and she looked thoughtful. "What makes you think I can help her?" 

"Call it a friend thing." She said mysteriously and smiled. 

REVIEW! This is a key chapter so I really really want to know what you are thinking of this! 


	12. No one

Chapter 12- No one...

            I don't know why I ever agreed to help Lily. Except for trying to hurt Lily to begin with this was the dumbest thing I've ever done. I wasn't sure I couldn't help Lily, but I wasn't sure I wanted to help her either. Even if she does have major issues with her life that's no reason for her to hurt all those guys and treat me badly. I mean I could probably get over her hooking up with Sean Wood; it wasn't like she was my girlfriend or anything of the sort, but the way she acted when I saw them was nearly unforgivable. It doesn't matter now, I'd promised Chastity and if there's one thing I try never to do is break a promise. How Lily was so lucky to have a friend like her is something I don't think I can understand. 

I threw my invisibility cloak over me and snuck across to the girls dorms. This wasn't exactly in my promise to Chastity but I had to know if Lily was really like this before I really tried my hardest to help her. Thankfully she was alone in the dorm. It would be much easier to stay out of the way of one girl than 6. She looked like she had been crying and was holding a diary in her hands. I wondered what happened to make her cry. 

I walked over to where I could see what she was looking at. It was a picture taped to a page, and she looked about 11 or 12. Her red hair was cut short and curled around her face, and her green eyes were shining next to the purple flowers on the tree she was swinging on. She looked so happy and carefree; it was hard to believe that was only three years ago. Now she looked much older, and hardly carefree. There was always something in her face that said she wasn't completely relaxed. Just then a tear fell onto the picture; she was crying again. Immediately the quill started to scratch across the pages and she was writing as tears rolled down her cheeks. Automatically I reached my arm out to hold her, but I remembered and pulled it away, just barely brushing her neck. She bristled and turned around, her eyes darting back and forth. Then after she saw nothing was there she rolled her eyes. 

"God, Lily, get a grip, no one cares enough to watch you cry." She said aloud to herself. "No one." She whispered again and buried her tear stained face in her hands to suppress the sobs she was emitting. Then there were footsteps on the stairs and she yanked her hangings closed. I heard her mutter a spell that probably made the tears on her face disappear and Chastity was right. 

I knew I had to get that diary. I had to know everything to be able to help Lily, because that's what I'd fully decided on doing. No one should cry like that, not even her, no matter what she's done. 


	13. Dreams

Chapter 13- Dreaming

            Last night I had the weirdest dream. I was thinking about it all day in class, though I couldn't remember it all that clearly. Mostly, though, it was about Lily. Me and Lily actually. What I had been thinking about what how realistic it seemed and how much I wouldn't mind if those things really did happen. 

            First, on my dream I was sitting by the lake looking for something. Well, I wasn't really looking, I knew where it was, in the knot of a tree, but I had to get it out. It was pretty hard though, because something was holding me back, and I only had one arm. Then I saw my other arm but it was holding someone's hand, someone who turned out to be Lily. She was the one holding me back, but it wasn't because she didn't want to be there, she wanted to do something else. Then I grabbed the thing out of the tree, and it was a green velvet box. Then I got down on one knee and proposed to Lily, because inside the box was an engagement ring. Lily Evans. I was dreaming of proposing to Lily Evans at 16 years old. Well I wasn't 16 in the dream but that doesn't really matter. Then she said yes and we were kissing and then I dreamed about 15 different times when we were kissing. That wasn't exactly a bad part of the dream; that was actually the best part of the dream, but it was the haziest. After that I dreamed we got married. It was the best wedding I've ever been to, well except it was in a dream. There was just something about it though, it was like the whole time I had a huge smile on my face and I knew I probably wouldn't ever be happier.  Then I dreamed I was pushing Lily on a swing and she looked amazing. It wasn't a drop dead sexy type of thing, but she looked so pretty and classic I just wanted to be with her. Then I dreamed Lily said "James isn't it wonderful? We're going to have a baby!" Then she actually was holding a baby in her arms in a hospital bed. I picked him up, he was a cute kid; he looked just like me except he had Lily's eyes. I said "Hullo, Harry. I'm your father. I'll always be here for you."  Sirius took my kid then and said a whole bunch of things about being the cool god father he could always go to when Lily and I were angry. I took him back from Sirius, and Harry and I were just staring each other in the eyes. After that I woke up. 

            This was one of the weirdest things that have ever happened to me, and there are a lot of things up against that. Who dreams about getting married and talking to his newborn son at 16 years old? I actually also, deep down, wished those things could still happen, which freaked me out even more. They seemed real, like I was seeing the future. It scared me even more that sometimes I think I may be able to see the future. Ever since I was little I knew what I was getting for my birthday even though my parents liked to make it a surprise and kept it a big secret. I've also never been hit by a bludger in my entire life because I always seem to know where it's going just before the beater hits it. But, I mean, that dream I had couldn't have been the future, right? Even if I wanted it to happen, ok well I kind of did want it to happen, but even if Lily liked me it probably wouldn't happen. The thought that either of us would ever admit it to eachother, let alone have a decent conversation again is completely absurd.  It took me the whole day to figure this out, and I was thinking about it pretty much the whole time. My father will be pretty pissed off if I don't make Head Boy next year because I was thinking about a dream of marriage instead of paying attention. Practically every Potter since the first Potter at Hogwarts has been Head Boy, and if I don't make it I'll probably be disowned.  


	14. Take a chance

Chapter 14- Take a chance

When I got back to my dorm I saw Sirius sitting on his bed, looking bummed. He hardly ever got like that; he was the most easygoing person I'd ever known, and hardly let anything get him down. 

"Hey, Padfoot, what happened?" I asked. He looked up at me suddenly and cocked his head to the side. 

"My sister had a boy. He was still born." He said slowly. Jesus. Well no wonder...

"Annie? Is she ok?"

"Yea, she's just pretty upset."

"How are you doing?"

"Not that great. I just wanted to be the cool uncle, you know, the one he could go to when his parents are angry for all the pranks I'd teach him to pull. Now that can't happen." He said in a dejected sort of way. 

"Trust me; you are going to be a great uncle when the time finally comes. I'd want you to be my son's uncle if you could."

"Yea, I'll settle for god father, though." He said with a smile.

"He is going to be the biggest trouble maker Hogwarts has ever seen."

"Well let's go make some trouble; we don't want to make it too easy for him."

"Of course not." I said with a laugh. 

"Slytherins?" he asked. I nodded and he grabbed the Marauder's Map while I took my Invisibility Cloak out of my trunk. We had all put false bottoms in our trunks to conceal anything that wasn't allowed in school and put undetectable charms on them so no one could find them unless they knew about it. It was a pretty fool-proof plan. 

We got under the cloak and snuck down to the dungeons. 

"So, Prongs, what's up with you and Lily?" 

"I have no idea where we are. This is more complicated than I would have thought."

"Well I think you're doing a pretty good job. Lily likes you."

"What?" I practically shouted. What was he talking about? He probably heard this from Rita Skeeter or one of her other gossiping friends. If she really did like me then why did she kiss Sean? 

"Err-alright. Why are you so surprised about this?"

"I erm-kinda like her, and then I kissed her out by the lake and it was really good. Three hours later I saw her kissing Sean Wood. Then I talked to Chastity and I found out some things about Lily and I don't know what I'm doing."

"You like her? Jesus, James. That is one screwed up relationship, but that explains why Chastity was telling Lily to apologize to you."

"Huh?" I asked. What is he talking about?

"Hold on, I recorded this cause I wanted to let you know." He said and used the spell we'd invented to record conversations and play them back. 

"Lil, you have to apologize to James!" I heard Chastity's voice say.

"I can't. No, I don't want to. What's the point?" Lily's voice answered.

"The point? The point is that you should apologize to him so you don't feel so guilty and maybe..." but Lily's voice cut her off.

"Maybe what? He'll forgive me? I'm not even sure I want him to forgive me."

"Why not?"

"Why not? Because. Because I really do like him; I like him so much it drives me crazy and I don't know what to do with myself. I can't even stop thinking about him. It's so hard for me, and it scares me, Chastity; I don't want to be hurt. If I tell him how I feel I'm scared he'll feel the exact opposite."

"You're hurt right now though, aren't you? You're hurting yourself."

"But..."

"I'm not done. If he didn't like you at all then why does he spend time with you? Why did he kiss you and why would he care so much that you were crying?  Can you honestly tell me he doesn't like you? James is a great guy, Lil, and you have to take a chance if you want to be with him." 

"Then Chastity walked out. That's all, James. James?" he asked. I was just standing there, shocked.

"I really do like her, Padfoot. A lot, actually, and I don't know what to do about it."

"If you think it is worth it then make your move. You've got to like her a lot if she's worth all that. If she is you just have to tell her, and I'm sure Remus will understand. Worried for you, sure, but he'll still understand if you explain it to him."

 What was I supposed to do? I liked Lily, really liked her, but that wasn't supposed to happen. I couldn't just let her get away with what she did to Remus, and she could do the same to me. Still, I really liked her. Then what was Remus going to say about it? I had to listen to what he said about it. I kept going back and forth in my mind the whole time we were pulling pranks on the Slytherins. One thing kept coming back to me though. "You have to take a chance"


	15. I could love you

Chapter 15- First talks

When I got back into the Common Room there was one very disgruntled redhead looking for me. Well, she had been a redhead. Now her hair was bleached white. That's at least what Peter told me. She was supposedly in her room now. Thank god she didn't see me. From what I was told she was pretty happy, which knowing Lily she was angry as hell and trying so hard not to seem it. I went up the stairs to my room so she couldn't find me. Except she really did find me when Sirius and I walked in the door and she was sitting on my bed. And she was not too happy looking, let me tell you. 

"Hullo, boys." She said, but not in a cheerful way or even in a general way. She said it like she wished it would kill us when she finished talking. That's not exactly the most optimistic way to start a conversation. 

She didn't even wait for an answer, she just started talking again. "Do you have any idea why my hair is this colour?"

"Not really." I said casually. I didn't want her to yell. If we both started yelling everyone in the Common Room would be up here in 6 seconds flat. 

"Do you?" she asked Sirius. 

"No, but I really have to get going...detention." he answered. No, he was going to leave me all alone with her, and this wouldn't be typical 'girl in your dorm' fun. 

"Fine, leave," she said and glanced at the door. No! She was seriously letting him go. He left pretty quickly after that. Then I realized he didn't have detention tonight, he had just told me about a date with Jemmina. 

 "My hair is this colour, this disgusting white blonde colour, because of what you put on my hair."

"The invisibility potion? No, we checked, it only made your hair disappear, not turn..." and I gestured at her hair.

"No, you're right it wasn't the potion. It was the concoction you poured onto my hair. Something in it had ammonia which bleached my hair."

"You don't look bad." I said. Why? Why was I complementing her? I seriously need to check chemical levels in my brain because they are definitely imbalanced and making me crazy.

"Don't give me that bull, James. Now, there is a spell that can take it away, but no one knows it, and Madame Pince is sick and can't find the book for me. Which means you're going to help me find it." Yea, like I was going to help her. 

"I am?" I said and raised my eyebrows. Let's see her try and make me. 

"Of course you are, now let's go." She said and grabbed me by the arm. What was I doing? Yea, that'd be letting her bring me along. Until we got to the top of the stairs, then I stopped and she couldn't pull me.

"James Potter, let's go. You're coming and I don't care if you want to or not. Even if I have to knock you out and levitate you there while you're covered in that invisibility cloak that's under your arm." I looked at her. My first thought was she knew about the invisibility cloak. She could tell everyone, and that was her point in saying it, not to threaten me with that other crap. My second thought was that I loved how she said my name. I couldn't help it, it just made me smile. It sounded so perfect coming from her, even when she said it like that. Then I kicked myself for thinking that and she looked at me like I am crazy. This is true so it's not that big of a deal, but still I didn't need to give her proof of it.

"Fine, let's go," I said and then offered my arm, "You don't want people seeing you angry, it will ruin the whole image you've put up for yourself." I said that to mock her, but I swear I wish I hadn't once I saw her face. She looked so ashamed and offended, and there were tears in her eyes. 

"Jesus, Lily. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, really I didn't. I was just-" but she cut me off.

"Yes you did, James. You meant it and it's true. Don't lie to me and tell me it isn't; I know it's true myself." She said and looked at the ground. Her voice was hard and full of bitterness. 

"Well, yea, it's true, but you can change. Lily, be however you want to. Don't try to be like other people want you to-" she cut me off again though. She looked straight into my eyes, and it seemed like she was looking at my soul. 

"No, James, no. Things aren't that easy." Then she paused and looked away. "Maybe you shouldn't help me look for that spell anymore."

"Yes I should. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Let me help you find the spell. Please." I was practically begging. I don't know why I felt so bad about it, or why I was trying to let her help me when a minute ago I was trying to get out of helping her. 

"You told the truth, what right have I to get angry? You can't help me look for the spell anymore because I'm not looking for it either. I'm fake now, what difference would it make if I had fake hair colour to match?"  She said and started to walk down the stairs. Only, I didn't let her. I grabbed her and shoved her into my room, then slammed the door. Then I shoved her into a sitting position on the bed. She was in a daze the whole time since I said that first thing to her. I was dazed too; it was like someone else was in my body. I was like that a lot around her. See what this girl does to me? 

"You're going to look at me and listen, whether you want to or not." I said to her and she looked up at me, her eyes meeting mine. It threw me off for a second but I started talking again. 

"What is it with you?" I practically screamed in her face. "Why do you care so much about what other people think of you? All you try to do is please everyone and-" but she had recovered from her daze and interrupted me, saying 

"Because, James, because I want people to like me, I like to please everyone, I like it when people accept me and pay attention to me and care what I have to say." 

"Really? You really believe that, Lily? Because I don't, not at all. Sure, you like it when people like you, but it all comes down to that you are afraid to be alone. You'll do anything; even change yourself completely, so you won't be left alone, all by yourself."

"Yes, I really do believe it, and it's true. You don't know me, James, don't pretend like you do." she said harshly.

"Don't give me that bull and stop with the bloody lies! You're scared to be alone so you act how you think people will like.  God damnit, Lily, be you. Who cares if everyone likes you, its tons better if you like yourself."

"I thought you had it all figured out, James. No one likes me when I'm myself, I will be all alone. I don't need that."

"Wouldn't you feel better knowing the people who are your friends are your friends because they really like you, not a fake you? There will always be people there for you who love you...Chastity, me-" then she cut me off. 

"What? Who? What did you just say you...." Then I realized what I had actually said. Thousands of thoughts were running through my mind.  I had said I loved her. Did I love her? Why did I say it? I might be able to love her.  I had to take my chance now, though, and put it out there before it was too late.

"You're a great girl, Lily. You're smart, you're nice, you're funny and you're pretty. I've never met anyone who I'm drawn to like I am to you. You drive me crazy and I can't stop thinking of you. Despite what you did to my friend, to me, I can't stop feeling this way about you. If you give me the chance I think, I really think I'll be able to love you." I finished then looked at her face. She had been standing, but braced herself on the bed post as she sat down. Then she covered her face with her hands. What did I do? Why did I tell her all that? I could've just said I love you as a friend, but nooo.

"Err, well I'll just erm, talk to you later or something." I said after I got no response from her and I started to walk towards the door.

"No." she said and I whirled around. She moved her hands and I saw a faint smile on her lips. "Please don't leave."

"What do you, what do you think?" I asked slowly. Why? Why did I want an answer? It would be so much easier of I had just walked out.  

"I think," she said as she stood up and walked towards me. I was frozen. I wouldn't have been able to move even for a spot on a professional quidditch team, my life dream.  "That I could love you, too." What? What? My ears were ringing, and I couldn't help but smile like an idiot. That didn't matter though, because she was standing an inch in front of me. 

She slipped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I kissed her back with everything I had. I was perfectly happy, and why wouldn't I be?

I was with the girl I'd just fallen in love with. 

Review Please!!!!!!!! Tell me how you liked it please! Also...if people want a Lily diary to end this instead I will have citrus scented post it! Tell me if you want it! 

DONE! OMG I'm done! Finally! I hope you like it! I had so much fun writing it. I'm kind of sad I have nothing left to write but I loved it so much! Look for some new L/J stories from me in September! 


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